Taking Flight

Maybe it’s a mid-life crisis. Maybe it’s symbolic. Maybe I’m simply returning to my roots. Whatever the cause, I have taken flight.
Some weeks back during a very rainy spell where we thought we’d never see the sun again, I stumbled across a viburnum-lined wall in the city and it made me smile. Here was something that thrived despite the gray drizzle. It came alive.
The lush green and dazzling white flowers spoke to me in a strange way. I remembered how much I loved to dance. I haven’t danced much in the past few years. I fear I’ve succumbed to the awful idea that when you near forty, you’re supposed to feel old. But the truth is, I don’t feel old. Maybe I feel wiser—I am more thoughtful with my time and whom I spend it with—but I don’t feel old, physically. I feel, well, pretty darn good.
I looked at the wall and thought to myself, You know what would be cool? To leap in front of it.
And with that idea, something inside me broke free.
I asked my husband to take a picture of me leaping in front of the wall. I didn’t care who was looking; didn’t care what anyone thought. I threw caution to the wind, challenged gravity and for a split second floated above the Earth.
Feeling bold, I posted the image on Instagram. This was me freeing myself from the burden of being self-conscious.
It felt good. I felt strong. I felt like me.
Soon after, I caught some negative comments about showing off. I talked to my daughter about them. While they were upsetting and made me feel a bit ashamed of myself, we both agreed that you can’t let others win at trying to make you feel small. In the wise words of a teen, “You do you.”
Our heart-to-heart gave me the idea to do more jumping and to do it as a mother-daughter exercise. I wanted her to see that you can still be active and joyful as an adult.
I called up my friend Leslie Fandrich who is an artist and the creator of the Feminist Art History IG feed. I figured she could help me explain why I was compelled to do this. Did other women use themselves as models in their own work? And if so, why?
I’m not going to restrict myself to who you think I am. I’m going to take up space.
Leslie said yes and explained the answer to the second question is as rich and varied as women themselves. But she did offer some thoughts about my project.
“In your case you’re reclaiming yourself and your youth and body and visibility. And that is a huge piece of why women started using their own bodies in feminist artwork in the 1970s. Women and their bodies in art are usually used as objects by men.
With your project you’re also saying to others ‘I’m not going to restrict myself to who you think I am. I’m going to take up space.’”
And when she said that, I felt totally badass. And it made sense. Leave it to an artist to help you make sense of your actions and your world. Honestly, where would we be without them?
There is room for everyone in this world. So please fight the urge to make yourself small to fit the narratives others have crafted for you. Yes, it can be scary, but you are worthy of being seen on your own terms.
I love this. I love you leaping. & I love that you are doing it with E! you are badass.
So many thoughts about this! But most of all, yay you! Here’s to taking up space. I’m curious about how much of the smallness and how many of the limits we are carrying around in our own little life backpack. How much of it are echoes of other people and other times and other experiences and when something happens today, we fit it into that “be small” narrative.
Lots to consider….and super looking forward to wherever you go and what you create. Or not.
Can’t imagine anyone being critical of these shots. The first one posted made me smile. It’s like I could feel the freeness in your leap and the emotion that comes over me every time I see dancers make such beautiful lines with their bodies swells up inside me. And how awesome that such great meaning unfolded with your daughter. I say “Get it girl!”
Unconstricted expression.. I absolute love this photographic series both for it’s beauty and for the feminine voice that spoke “POW,” without ever having a lift a finger or be explained. Beautiful.
You are a badass!
You make me not want to delete anything I create or anything I say to express myself ever again. I love you. Powerful words AND powerful images. It is a work of art. You are an artist.
I love these (and you, of course!) so much.
Fucking. Awesome. And that dress in the top right? Details, please.
Anthro sale rack!
Inspiring and awesome. And my goodness, you can sure leap!! Love these leaps, the photos, the feeling, and the statement. Well done, you!
You’re inspiring me lady! I’m so glad you followed your gut and took the leap…I’m loving this series. What wise words from your friend, such inspiration for us all.
This is so wonderful it brought me to tears. Thank you.
Love it! I think you’re going to start a trend! I’m going to try it today!
Taking Up Space. Your new book title…. love this you brave thing.
And turning 40 is AWESOME x
I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love this! You photos would be the most amazing exhibition.
I love this so much. It makes me want to take photos of myself and not feel vain about it, but to feel like I am here and I exist. What a fun project!